feeling blessed!

The other day I was talking to a friend about relationships and how tricky they can be.. you need to have genuine people around you, if only, it is to make you realize how important it is to be with somebody who is genuine and true to themselves.

I have been very lucky in my life. I have the most genuine people in my immediate family. I don't say it because they are my family. I truly mean it! I am blessed! I have been given the ability to think and form opinions and share my thoughts whenever I wanted to.

My Very Ordinary Life!

To set some context here, the title of my post is my opinion of my life. To give you some more background on why this realization, read more. 
Very often, I have come across people who want to be the best at something or the other. I have wondered why? I could be wrong, but I believe it gives people a sense of approval from others (peers, parents.. you know the sorts)  whereas it should be more like a sense of accomplishment for them. 

Which brings me to my thoughts on approval! I never quite understood the importance of approval. For me, the only approval I need is from myself! If I can live with it, it is fine! I know one thing for sure, you cannot please everyone! so what is the point in seeking approval. Somebody will show disappointment and disapprove of you! Hence, you aren't the best!

I read this somewhere today and would like to share this:

"It doesn't matter if someone does it better than you do. You don’t get rid of clutter for someone else, you get rid of it for you. Comparing yourself to another person is unnecessary; you only need to look at your life and your needs to decide what is best for you."

How true is that! I don't want to be 50 and realize that I lived my life pleasing people and seeking their approval! I just want peace and happiness in my very ordinary life.  Now that you hopefully understand where I am coming from, I will share some more about my ordinary life.

I love ordinary things like flowers, colors, the sky, stars, clouds, forests, beach, mountains, snow, traveling, reading, music, my partner, my parents, my family, my friends... you get the drift right? All these truly make me happy and content. I am very happy when I am on the beach reading a book until the sun goes down. I feel happy when my partner and I watch a movie together. I am elated when I barbecue with my father..I am overjoyed when my brother sings for me.. and the list goes on like that...

If you observe, all these things are very ordinary and quite easily achievable. I don't need to practice any of these or become the best at these. I can simply enjoy all these whenever I can. 

So that is exactly what I will continue to do... live my ordinary life like a very ordinary person!

my comfort zone..

Every time I tried to cocoon myself in my comfort zone, it was taken away from me. I fought for it, struggled a lot, tried to find the things I had lost, found none, obviously...and thus came realisations which are bittersweet..

It started very early in my life but I take notice only now! My first School was St. Josephs Convent! I had the best times of my life here. School bus rides, tiffin breaks, inter house competitions, Annual Day, School Fete, Moral Science Classes and what not.. my life revolved around all of it. and exactly when I was growing up and bonding with friends and loved ones, I was moved! It took me at least a month to get over with the shock of switching schools.

The new school sucked! People spoke language that I didn't comprehend. No it was not a language problem really! Just what they said. I was isolated! Tried to fit in.. failed! Was tough. But the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to me, happened here. Found Tobu... Things changed! Things that looked mundane before was full of life, cycle rides(with tobu), gardening, chitter chatter, I was happy again! Very Happy!

Delhi happened! Was fun! Had so much to see, learn, do, talk about.. I was busy and excited about everything new around me. School was fun! college was super fun! Google was serious fun! and in between everything came the year 2008.

Summer of 2008- vikkoo left! I missed him so much! But was again excited as my sister's wedding was approaching! November 2008- Didi got married! She moved to a new life, new place... Decemeber 2008- Papa got transferred! By this time I was sad! I could see how my life was changing, drastically. I was missing people, my comfort, I had to move out, live by myself, manage my life and take care of myself! In the midst of everything, January 2009 Tobu decides to leave. He left me frail and weak. I was not ready to move on. I couldn't believe it. February 2009- Mom Dad move out of Delhi.

I was by myself, working, cooking, studying, managing... Was lost. Really Lost! Home sick, Hungry, Tired(of everything that was going wrong) .. Then I made one phone call and Life changed.

Time flew by... waiting for calls, talking indefinitely, online monopoly, skype-ing all day long, nothing else on my mind, 1 week in Delhi, 3 days in Mumbai- I can relive these days over and over again. Looks like my comfort zone was back! Happy, smiling silly, looking forward to the mid night call.. no sleep, only talk... it was beautiful and perfect, just like I had imagined. Things had to change cause I was getting used to it! He moved too.. Can you believe it! For 2 months.. but those were tough days! I used to miss everything.. things became mundane again! sigh...I was waiting... patiently...

My beloved Nani passes away! I was losing it.. or lost it! I decided to vent out my frustration on my studies. Whenever I had nothing else to do, which was a lot of time, in retrospect, I would study! and then came September 2009.. yay! you are back and i already feel so much better... Things changed again but this time not because you were here.. but because the realization had set in..

Things always change and they will continue to change! this will stay...

hypocrisy~

Hypocrisy means being less critical of oneself than of others. A well-known example is the smoker criticising someone else for smoking:

Read more here.

..where nobody would notice.

..I dream of a place where nobody would notice..

some place else

where trees could be red and water yellow
where birds can be chirpy as well as mellow
where you can walk on clouds
and your thoughts have no shrouds
where dreams come true
and you can walk the path you wish to

where there are no whys and whats
where no wars are fought
where harmony is for real
and peace is not just a deal

where there is no religion, no mayhem
and your favourite song is your anthem
no pacts, no conversations,
no boundaries, no suffocation..

where there is no toxicity,
where the best policy still is honesty.
where there is no profit, no loss
where equality prevails, be it dirt or moss

where nobody is right or wrong
and there are no bells or gongs
no closed rooms and cells
no doors or doorbells

open and independent like birds
emotions better than words
one happy place , all sorrows adieu
only your thoughts, dreams and you.

~Megha

I dont believe in god!

To the one who believes in god no proof is necessary..to the one who doesn't none is possible!
Why should I believe in God? In fact, how should I believe in God? When people kill each other to decide whose god is better, it makes me not believe in God!
When God becomes more important than life, it makes me not believe in God! When all you need is somebody to guard you when you are scared, somebody to be afraid of when you do wrong, somebody to plead when you want something real bad, somebody to blame when things go wrong, somebody to fight for, when you have nothing to do, you call for god! and here is the difference- I don't.

I also believe that people are just following a trend or a long-drawn tradition of believing in god. Not many dare to question this tradition. And most of them are too lazy to think. Well, I am not. I think and I have no reason to believe in god. Honestly, I am not an escapist. I don't want things done for me, or I don't need someone to be blamed on for mistakes that I do. I did wrong- I suffer. Plain fact!
Whenever I asked him about the existence of God, he gave me this reply: “You may believe in him when you feel like it.” is a phrase from Bhagat Singh's article Why I am an atheist and I believe in this line. I believe when people have no other way out, they look for god.
Man can find a strong support in God and an encouraging consolation in His Name. ( excerpt from Why I am an Atheist). I agree! According to me, the existence of god is a facade created by weak people who need to fear someone or be answerable to. For me, no blind faith. I can't even pretend to believe in god. I haven't visited a temple and prayed in ages now. I go to temples as I am forced to. It also avoids a whole lot of talking and explanations.

People think I don't believe in God as I am very stubborn and proud. Well, I am not. I have read about God and his existence more than any theist on this earth. Probably that is the main reason why I don't believe in God. By reading I have done nothing but strengthened my beliefs and it has given me enough logic and support to form a basis for my belief. Also,when you study science, at length, you tend to not believe in God and things like miracle of life and creation of Universe. Its all science. Facts and explanations.

I don't want anyone to understand me or my beliefs much less believe in it as I feel that is another weakness that we humans are bestowed with. We get drifted and driven easily. And I respect people who have faith and belief. No matter what you believe in , make sure you have a firm basis.

indecisive

why are people so indecisive?

I wish they knew how much mess they make because of their amazingly stupid nature.

and for a change I get affected as they lose track about how to behave with me and confuse me.

Confusions is what makes everything so difficult!

Why don't people like things that are simple ?